Livening liturgy vs hollow holidays

Ash wednesday was a couple weeks before I started this post. That means lent is in full force. It feels like the New Year Holiday to me. I mean the part about making an empty promise and breaking it. And besides that, a long period of abstinence seems silly when it is preceded by a Fat Tuesday where, in our culture, people feel like they have to repent all the way to Easter for their Mardi Gras indiscretions.

The sermon bringing in the season at Harmony was helpful for me. The big point I took from it was that the tradition works when the fasting is a springboard for reflection.  So the key is deciding to engage with the tradition, rather than just slide through, if I want to connect with God and be able to more properly align with him.

I am not fasting from food. But I do need the time to reflect. I won’t bore you with the details of my fast because it is would seem silly and still I am not doing that well. Actually that is the reason I am writing this post.

I have a problem and I can’t tell which side it is on (but it’s probably the inside).  I came into Lent looking forward to deep introspection and growth.  What I saw when I looked in was ugly: I still crave the opportunity to sin.

I guess that’s the deal. Lent isn’t about me. It is about Him. Maybe I should be contemplating the One this time celebrates rather than just introspecting. Hopefully that will provide the strength to make it through the rest of Lent.


 

On New Years Resolutions: Nate

The first thing that thought of when Joy challenged me (or we challenged each other) to do a blog about new years was a song from the 90s by Carolyn Arends.  I pulled the first few lyrics from elyrics.net to explain my approach to New Years

New Year's Day Lyrics [excerpt]
I buy a lot of diaries
Fill them full of good intentions
Each and every New Year's Eve
I make myself a list
All the things I'm gonna change
Until January 2nd
So this time I'm making one promise

Chorus:
This will be my resolution
Every day is New Year's Day

 The song goes on about a life of belief and making changes, but I want to focus on this first part.  I like this idea that I don’t really need to wait until New Years to make a change.  I just need to decide that something is important and live into the change.   However, experience and lines 5 & 6 of the song point out how temporary [New Years] resolutions are.  The silliness of New years resolutions is such a meme that people joke about how quickly their resolutions will be broken.  To me, rather than being silly, this frustration that makes me feel like a failure.

The next thing I thought was that Joy is pushing me to make a New years resolution to get more fit (eat better, get more active, etc).  It takes work and focus stop sitting around like a bump on a log and attend to to what I am putting into my mouth, so I am reluctant to commit to a change like that.  As I pointed out earlier, this is to avoid that sense of failure as much as anything.  That said, I am not happy that my belly impedes my ability to bend over, and I know that some of my physical ailments would go away if I were in better shape.

There have only been a couple new years resolutions that took well for me.  In college, I once resolved to do 100 sit-ups a day. It wasn’t perfect, but that year I remember feeling good about it … especially when my brother commented my physical fitness.  Another time I resolved to listen to the bible in a year via the Daily Audio Bible podcast.  That resolution started around May rather than January, and I think that it basically worked.  Notice that both of these were actual 1 year resolutions and less daunting. They were easier to commit to, because there was an endpoint in sight.  When it comes to making changes for a better whole life, like eat better, I don’t want to plan for them to end.

So I guess I feel like a weasel setting this up.  On the one hand, the lyrics to that song show how ridiculous it is to set up a resolution that I will keep only until I quit and then feel like a failure.  On the other hand that Chorus suggests “Every day is New Year’s Day.” In a way it sounds like a good 12 steppers philosophy: “One day at a time.”  Or “keep coming back … it works if you work it.”  So what can I stand to improve? A lot, I want to Learn more about God, and find a way to truly enjoy him.  I want to be a better father and leader in my home.  I want to help my wife not to feel so overwhelmed with our household.   I even want to live in a healthier, slimmer, more toned body.

I am not ready to make commitments to all these things at once.  But my actions (or inactions) have consequences and I do not want to give up on doing good.   My resolution is to not give up on improving.  I feel like I have gotten lazy spiritually, occupationally, relationally, and personally/physically.   My resolution is to intentionally improve one thing listed in purple above as often as I can remember, and I hope and pray that I can remember at least daily.  And when I give up on that: today can be new years day.

What I have above is not meant to be a specific one action resolution.  To clarify,  it is about approach.  I want avoid the frustration of giving up on a new years resolution, so instead I am resolving to take things one day at a time and not feel frustrated about yesterday, but instead see what I can do about making todays 153 become tomorrows 154.  I will look back on a daily basis and rate (in the book that Joy gave me) how it went and maybe plan for the next day.  Instead of seeing a failed past and whining about history, I hope that I can accept the gift that is the present,  and relax about the mystery of the future.

On New Year’s Resolutions: Joy

The first day of a new year always feels so full of promise: “Let this be the year; the year that I finally do all of the things I’ve been trying to do or change about myself throughout my life.” You know, the year that I will finally take care of myself. I will have quiet time every day. I will eat clean and workout 4-5 times a week. I will stop emotionally eating. I will take ME time regularly. I will invest in meaningful friendships. I will finally organize my entire house (including the most dreaded basement) and follow a cleaning plan. I will declutter and become a faithful minimalist. I will play with and encourage my kids more. I will teach them how to be self-sufficient little people who will happily do chores and learn how to responsibly manage their money. I will responsibly manage my money. I will cheerfully sit down with my husband to create a budget that will snowball our way out of debt and I will cheerfully stick to it- every month! I will creatively and intentionally pursue communication and meaningful interaction with the man I love- no more passing ships in the night. I will find energy- somehow, someway, to do all of this- because this shall be the year.
In reality, if I’m honest, yes, I want all of these things. I am also a strange combination of realistic enough and skeptical to realize that most of, if not all of these things, are likely to remain as they have throughout my accumulating years.
However, as I enter 2017, there is a deep longing for things to be different. Not different as in “I hate my life and want to switch with someone.” Different as in the last year, for me as it has been for many that I know, has been exceedingly difficult. Not that it has been filled with all bad things, although some of the things I could certainly do without. Just hard. So, as I look into this new year I do so with a sense of longing, for knowledge about questions I have had for a long time. Longing for answers that will allow me to love the people in my life more effectively. Longing for peace, that in the middle of these storms can only be found at the feet of Jesus.
As I step forward into this year, I do so prayerfully. I pray that I will remember each day to treat myself and others with dignity. I pray that the Lord will continue to knit my husband and I together. That we will enter into this year with the strength of unity and determination. That God will bless our family and help us continue to unravel the mysteries that exist in each of us. I pray that we will take the lessons we have learned thus far as gifts to help us on our journey. I pray that my children will know each day that they are loved and cherished. That each of us will be mindful of the great blessings we have- placing each other at the top of that list. And as I sit here on New Year’s Day, writing a piece that my husband asked me to have finished a week ago, maybe, just maybe, I’ll add “stop procrastinating” to that first list.

When I am weak, then I am strong

I was torn about starting this blog.  On the one hand, I want this to be a blog where I share lessons I learn mostly from my brokenness.  On the other hand it feels like a very egotistical thing… Like I am saying let me show you how I have it together.  When talking to my brother about setting up the blog, I even joked about breaking his server with all the traffic I will bring.  But I was still hesitant was this what God would want me to do?

I was challenged not to think about “Is this what God wants for me,” but rather “will this bring me closer to God.”  I quibbled: My pastor and I both thought that we were focusing more on God in our consideration. This really gets technical but I was looking at the subject of the sentence (God wants vs me moving), and he was looking at the object of the action (for me vs closer to God ).  I want to do the blog, and don’t see God opposing it, because I blame the technological barriers on my ignorance and malevolent sources.  So It turns out that the question “will it draw me closer to God?” is a better question.

Then the decision solidified for me while I sat in my last FirstLight meeting (for now).  I had just shared work on surrendering to God, like why I don’t want to surrender and what it might look like if I did.  And the leader went into a little discussion on humility. He talked about humility being power submitted to control… I took this to be the control of the Spirit.  This really focused the idea of the chipped dish.  The whole point is not me or my powerful thoughts; it is the submission of all of me: power and brokenness.

Toward the end of my share I said that I am not sure what it really looks like to be submitted to God or to taste and see that God is good.  The whole point of “chippeddish.com” is this: acknowledging that I don’t have it together, but I do seek the kingdom of God who does have it together.   2 Corinthians 12:10 ESV For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.  

This is effectively open journal.   I don’t want to confuse anyone reading this blog.   My posts are not going to be scripture, though I may reference the bible.  They may not even be theologically sound, though I hope not to be a heretic.  My posts are going to be hopefully a way to externally process the fact that I am a chipped dish,  ruminations on life around me, and wrestling with what God is doing.  I hope you will engage the thoughts, provide insight your own, and encourage the better way